Feel Again....

Being stuck, being stuck by any stretch of the imagination is already depressing, living life everyday calls for every ounce of your sanity and reason. The latter statement is a real life reflection of my life, which has been stagnant since i graduated high school. I am not the happiest person in the world currently, no, i know it sounds selfish and pathetic, but the absence of a friend or anyone in that matter to talk to without facing judgement is hard to come by these days. Thus i write. I know some of you think that i have no right projecting my problems to the world, and by blogging about my personal strife is really not on. Honestly I don't give a damn. Read my blog at your leisure or don't read at all. I am not after any pity nor empathy. This is the only way i distress without distressing other people. I am running out of things that make me happy. I am running the risk of becoming like my grandfather and father before me who turned cynic at a very young age. Cynicism, i think personally is one's fear of being wrong, thus they form theories to shoot facts and balm their own bruised ego. I do not wish to be as such, as opinions are exhilarating to comprehend. As i enjoy complications and thinking about them, cynicism is something i can ill afford. When did i become so limited in my thoughts, so narrow minded in my judgments and so unforgiving in regards to myself. Where has the starry eyed energetic boy that dreamed gone to? Where has all that confidence and chivalry gone to? Where has the life gone to? Being pulled around in a hundred directions has made him inelastic. Like a rubber which has been pulled to its threshold, it never returns to its original state after, it becomes loose, it becomes so un rubber-like, it has become almost useless. This scares me, i'm barely into my adulthood and i feel tired. Something has sucked my joie de vivre, and i'm in a hurry to rediscover that. I need to start living again. I need to feel again.