why so serious....

i though the nightmare would be over the constant loathing the never ending struggle to be NOT rude, everything i thought ill of during the 6 wasted hours a week of english would be gone whence the latter lecturer departed for pastures new. nay said reality and thus i am stuck with this morose hag who demands respect as if it is her birth right. hello madam goggly eyes this is not the fifth form, neither is it the swixth form of the run of the mill highschool this is a university, well sorta, its a shitty place to study but i pay next to nothing so i am not complaining. she is either deaf dumb or all of the aforementioned as im struggling to find anything wrong with my entrance, i knocked three times acknowledged her and took a seat. frthermore she is lamenting that I have bad discipline, well true but not rude. i may be slack in that department but i never mean any disrespect. unless you idiotically pick on me and then yes your crossing over to my fuck off list, ahhh the fuck off list, tis a list of all the people i would laugh at if anything untoward happen to them... yes imma bad s.o.b but im the same bad s.o.b thats sitting n your class for the sake of my attendance marks... all in all the bitch is a bitch.... and i don't know if its menopause or if it is just the disdain and towards malay, bt this melayu dogol will not bow down to your bitchiness..... take that fucking baton out of your saggy menopausal arse and deal with the truth and reality.... this aint highscool lady and not all of us are as..... inhibited in our english as  think we are....

dollar bills, pain , reality..... bitches you want to know.

in this world of materialism one simply cannot run from the truth. money is happiness. being someone who comes from a middle income family an extra twenty ringgit a week gives me boundless pleasures but to some  , a twenty barely scratches an itch. money is undeniably important and to live well you need a steady income. currently, i do not have one, i have never felt at liberty in spending and nor shall i in the near future, unless bapak becomes a minister after the elections and i'm suddenly shoved into a prepy varsity whereby upon graduation i'd be earning comfortably, alas that is not so, i study in UiTM the last bastion of the Malays, it doesn't even resemble a campus, its just one in name. out of foolishness and stupidity thats where i find myself, and not in some posh varsity, be it local or overseas, yet i have strongly opposed the idea of fleeing this great land and migrating abroad, some factors have compelled me to think about it. people change, they get older they learn through experience and they feel very differently about certain things. i however have not, i am still this hopeless romantic who thinks that poetic justice will prevail, apparently it doesn't neither does karma, thats just bullshit to make you feel better, i have learned that justice or fairness only prevails to those who have a heart and understands that every action has a reaction. not just in physics but in real life as well. so who cares if you've cried in a car in the middle of the road clad in a baju melayu, who cares if you felt dissapointed, who cares if you feel betrayed, nobody in the end... Ian Fleming is a genius in some respects as he portrays 007 as a perfect gentleman to me. ruthless yet mindful, something i want to adopt. because in the end no matter how much pain you feel, no matter how many tears you cry, no matter how many pieces your heart has been shredded the truth is, its all in your head. there are choices, see things dispassionately and objectively, never assume that self worth is what others think of you, it is what you have inside you.....