untitled.....

during the eid holidays Astro prima aired a very touchy feely drama, entitled "city of angels" at first i was a bit skeptic as it starred meg ryan and also that guy from the national treasure thingamajig, hardly a perfect match. the movie, however reduced me to tears as the story was so helplessly foolish, and romantic. and i am a sucker for these kinda movies, it tells a story of an angel who falls in love with a human, meg ryan who is a heart surgeon who is totally detached from her emotions till it's too late. she dies in the end. a cruel ending as it were. the angel had given up his divine powers and became a normal human which could feel, could comprehend emotions. he felt pain, anguish, happiness, elation every possible emotion imaginable. alas in the end he feels the ultimate pain of losing someone he dearly loves.... ironic. i was reduced to tears not because of the dramatic ending, i cried because i was scared of facing that situation when you work so hard to make it happen, your arduous pursuit of happiness seemingly bearing fruit and poof.... its just gone. without warning, without anything, just a vacuum in your heart that metamorphosis into  a black whole into your soul sucking the very marrow of your soul, until it lays bare, barren , dry , ruined... i am devastated by those thoughts and it has been puling at my heart strings ever since....

Eid Mubarak

it has been a crazy few months. whereby logic and rational have been a luxury. i do not foresee an upturn in fortunes, i just hope i don't die. yet. the only regret i will have in life is i don't fulfill potential which so many have seen in me. i fail to recognise myself as someone interesting, i'm certainly a square peg in a round hole. everywhere i go, it is like that, misunderstood. even to the ones closest to me, mum, dad, grandparents friend, and at times  the love of my life as well, i try to fit in, others seem to seamlessly assimilate to their environment, so much so, i look like a freak most of the time, lying down at the corridors, sitting in between the stacks in the library.... things that are peculiar to some, but normal to me. but i'll be square in this round world and hope those whom i love very much will stick around and see me realise potential betrothed by the masses of educated opinions.